What is diversity? According to a dictionary: Showing a great deal of variety and being very different. There are a variety of things we can come up with. Ethnicity, race, socio economic status, faith, education, age group, marital status, professions, presentation style (loud, soft, funny, serious), accent, family back ground (businessman, teachers, doctors, farmers), views toward death penalty, political association, physical condition, physical appearance (body piercing, tattoos, how you dress), pet preference, music preference, belief in afterlife, spirit, ghosts, and the list can go on and on.
Listening to the mother of the Columbine shooter that was on the TEDtalk, it was simply unfathomable to comprehend what kind of emotions she had. It is such a different level of difficulty. How would you be able even to relate to those deep emotions? People said to her, “you failed as a mother” “how could you have not known?” I thought how dare anyone can say things like that to this suffering mother, but the truth is that I probably have thought and said something similar, only because I did not understand the full picture. This may be an extreme example of difference but you get the idea that what we say has nothing to do with others’ reality or emotions, but only how our experiences and emotions trigger to express.
When I first came to the States, I lived with a lady in an apartment. We did not see each other for a while. One day I came home and she looked at me and said, “Oh hi, Stranger’. I was offended! I thought “ I am not a stranger. I live here.” I did not know it meant “I have not seen you in a long time”, but I did not know back then?! We may use the same language, speak it fluently but word choice may have completely different meanings and experiences.
From a very young age, we are measured by social, academic, economic, emotional and all the other standards or expectations. And we want to fit right in between the acceptable lines. if you step off those lines, you feel strange but also all the people around you feel strange. And feeling strange is very uncomfortable.
We also have certain ideas of life, work, and relationships, and we want our lives to fit into those ideas. When we are off, we feel that we did something wrong, rather than embracing or enjoying the differences. Unknown factors create fear in our minds as if we are not ready, not capable to deal with, not skilled or gifted enough. Where does that pressure come from? Why do we feel the need to be right? We may offend someone every once in a while. But I can tell you that the same person can offend you as well. If you have a desire to accept others, approach them with curiosity with a kind heart. How would I like to be known? How would that make me feel? What kind of questions would be nice to hear?
“Where is your home?” tends to be the first question to break ice, and the anticipated answers are, “Oh, I am from the south part of India”, “My home is a little town called Bath in England” or “I was born in Saitama, Japan”. But the person may be your neighbor. Perhaps, what we need to start is not a question of where they are from but what they are most excited about recently or a simple compliment like, “You look really nice in blue” or “Nice tie!” Let others want to share their stories. What do we want to accomplish by knowing where they are from originally? If you show curiosity with good intention, it might bring an authentic connection so that we can embrace differences and expand our appreciation toward diversity.
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